is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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