Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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