i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
