you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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