my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
