mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
