Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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