Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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