Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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