If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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