P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
