with your own penis?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
