Don't you send me to vm
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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