Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
