Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
