is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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