Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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