Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
