Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
