Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
