so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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