I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize