watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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