You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize