Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
