I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
