On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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