Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
