Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
