the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
