i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
