i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
