if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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