Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
