I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
