Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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