Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
