So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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