Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
