Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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