I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
