How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
