I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
