I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize