why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
