and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They are going to name an STD after you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
