apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
