Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
