guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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