i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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