so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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