The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
