Kiss
Puke
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
