1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
