You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
