make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
