she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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