If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
