Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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