we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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