He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
