i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
