Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
