I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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