She's JV to your varsity
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
