Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
