I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
