as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
