but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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