Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
