Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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