He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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